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"Imagine That!  News of Infinite Possibilities"

(This is a weekly news program broadcast on Local Radio KZYX. Look for weekly updates.)


THE GOOD NEWS, IMAGINE THAT!

The multinational coalition of A better world is possible reports that they are experiencing a stunning increase in organizations that offer alternatives to Bombs. Joining, Food not bombs, education not bombs, Clowns Not bombs, Breasts not Bombs are Medicine not bombs, kisses not bombs, music not bombs, money not bombs., chocolate not bombs, Anything but Bombs. The list is growing everyday.


There's good news around Global warming fromThe new multibillion dollar Charities under the umbrella of Warren Buffet and Bill Gates. To combat Global warming they will donate Solar panels to any one who wants them. With a proliferation of panels they will act to reflect the burning of the rays as well as take the pressure off electric grids to provide more energy. This act of charity solves so many problems. These men could be credited with saving the world from total ecological devestation. People can apply for panels at The Pearly Gates.com


The National Institute for logistical enhancement released their Annual report that war does not bring peace. 



The Hadassah ladies who have always been know for their kindness and chairty from Jeruselem to the Bronx  went to the Isreali Lebannon  Border today and held hands to form a human chain. Israeli airstrikes came to an immediate halt seeing the grandmothers on the border. General Chaim Levitan said he could never shoot over the head of a Hadassah lady. Many Hezbollah guerillas also remembered the kindness of the Hadassah when they were little Hezbollah children and were given Humantashen and chocolate coiins from the elderly women.   Kava Epstein said "While the Hadassah stay on the border maybe they can come up with a soltuion already while we're all shvitizing out here. Uch."Epstein said, they were negotiating with the Bnai Brith to go to the West Bank to do the same.

In response to the ongoing violence in the world there has been multiple sightings of people bursting into tears in cafe's grocery stores, gas stations, and shopping malls.  Emergency emotional experts, or the EEE's have been dispatched at an unprecedented rate and it continues to escalate. Jackie Williams explains, "When one person starts crying it sets off a chain reaction. Our job is to comfort the population and to confirm their right to cry. We bring the kleenex."  Ms. Williams was just leaving a Safeway store in Alameda  after an episode  sparked by a crying baby, causing everyone in the frozen food aisle  to cry. She said, "They all feel a lot better now."

As a result of the new Airport Security  that restricts all carryon luggage making for an incredible inconvenience for passengers, United, American, Delta, Northwest Airlines and a host of other will now add a cafe and bookstore cabin to each airplane.  The all glass  dome shaped cabin will be placed right on top of the plane giving passengers delectable gourmet food, carbon filtered water, free magazines and paperbacks, games for the kids. 360 panoramic view to the sky, A representative from United said,  We say if the terrorists give us lemons, we'll just make lemonade, and smoothies too.

The juvenile corrections center of Mendocino County is reporting great success with their new rehabilitation for teens programs.   Using a combination of swedish massage,  art lessons and sweat lodges once a week they have found that kids who are on the path to destruction actaully discover who they are and why they are here. The new corrections director Muriel Klein  said that we found that punishing the kids only made them bitter and vindictive.  Since we've actively been rehabilitating them, 96 percent go on to become successful and happy community members. 





September 12, 2005


As folks continue to suffer the effects of Hurricane Katrina and live under martial Law in New Orleans. Analysts have reasoned that the crisis was actually made worse under FEMA's mismanagement. "People are being treated like animals and criminals and continuing to die" said one tourist who recently escaped. As the scandel unfolds, Not only is Mike Brown being replaced as Director of the department FEMA will now be known as FEMA LE (adding life expectancy) to the Department actually saving lives by evacuating people in advance.

Imagine that

While the American Public have been instructed by Whitehouse spokesperson Scott Mcllellan and President Bush not to play the Blame Game . It seems as though Matel has come out with a Family version of the Blame Game and it's already sold 10 million copies. It's fun for the whole family to see exactly how we The Bush dynasty got into this terrible mess.

Imagine that

Press Democrat is reporting that the brain is still evolving.

In a related story

Arnold Schwarznegger, on a mad veto binge. was contained by house democrats and his pen was taken away. Arnold said it was a magic pen and he could rule the world with it. His Wife Maria Shriver picked up the pen and signed into law driver's licenses for undocumented workers, Raised the minimum wage $3.50 and made the civil marriage act into law. She then took Arnold's Humvee Keys away and made him take the bus home.

Imagine that

Religious leaders have called for Sunday to be a day of rest. They suggested staying home and staying off the road for that one day a week .

The gathering of leaders comes in response to rising gasoline prices, greenhouse gasses, road rage and a rise in mental and physical illness. What a way to honor God's creation, by not driving on it. Said Reverend Kirk Kava.asked about religious services and staying in touch with God. Reverend Kava said, We should all know how to talk to God by now. And Lord knows we need some rest.

Imagine that

 

September 5, 2005

Dring a photo op At the Red Cross Headquarters in DC. George Bush began rambling incoherently about tidal waves and compassionate disasters and the need for cash money . The Director of the International red cross interrupted him on camera abruptly and told him he was an idiot and that he was an embarrassment to the nation and responsible for the deaths of many. Mr. Bush thanked her and told her he would stay the course until democracy was on the march in New Orleans.

In honor of labor day and the millions of workers who toil endlessly to keep American's fat and happy, Hundreds of rich people walked in workers shoes in what social organizers are calling "the labor of love demonstration. CEO's of companies like Bechtel, Nike, Coca Cola, Nestle, and Yum Brands, showed up in factories and fields yesterday and did the manual labor that actually brings the products to market. Some farm and factory workers took the opportunity to sit in corporate offices looking out windows, playing games on computers and having two hour lunches.

 

In a stunning reversal that Earth first is calling a paradigm shift a federal judge has ordered Charlie Hurwitz of the Maxxam Corporation to pay EPIC, the environmental Protection information center 72 million dollars instead of Mr. Hurwitz receiving that award. Judge Wendy Williams said although the damage caused by Mr. Hurwitz and Maxxam to the forest is priceless, 72 million will begin a solid restoration program. Mr. Hurwitz was also issued a restraining order which will keep him 50 miles away from any forest ecosystems.

 

Holding someone tight and kissing them makes a person feel better. In study after study scientists at the epiphany institute have proven that being held and kissed lowers blood pressure, relieves headaches, eliminates pms and reduces acne.

KZYX has a new General Manager. Belinda Rawlins. Ms Rawlins will migrate to Mendocino from New Mexico, bringing years of radio experience, community participation and a sense of humor. Ms. Rawlins said she was aware of the limited real estate and high prices she would encounter in relocating , but this job was so important that she'd be happy pitching a tent outside our beloved studio in Philo just to insure that community radio lives on and thrives.

Imagine that

August 29, 2005

The Iraqi Constitution made tremendous progress today as the preamble was agreed upon by all at the table. It reads so far, We the People of Iraq, made up of many religions and ethnic minorities will do our best to recover from years of Tyranny and violent invasions and environmental devastation. We will take our time, in doing so honoring our great place as the cradle of civilization. We shall be responsible for the general welfare of our own people, by reconstructing our land without the help of Foreign imperialists. We will retain all rights to our natural resources and become as wealthy as those who have profited from them.

Organizer were stunned when 150,000 men turned up at the first Yes, Ma'm or Men against misogyny, rally in Washington this weekend. Speaker after speaker spoke out against rape, war, poverty and eating disorders. Although men have been quiet for for some time about these epidemics. In a swift show of political action, teams were chosen and dispatched to bars, universities and military bases equipped with education packets on oppression and violence toward women throughout the millennium.

The Justice Department has deported Pat Robertson after terrorist threats that he had made in regards to the assassination of Hugo Chavez, the democratically elected President of Venezuela. The Pride of the 700 club will be relocated to Venezuela where he will take the role of head body guard for Mr. Chavez.while Other dedicated members of the 700 club will rotate to assist Mr. Robertson to form a human chain around the South American Leader. Said a remorseful Robertson, "If he goes, I go".

The definition protection league stormed the Senate this morning with 52 dictionaries in order to assist Senators with the meaning of the word, "Refuge" as in the Alaskan National wildlife refuge. According to The new illustrated Webster's refuge means "shelter or protection from danger or distress. If the senate insists on drilling in the Highly sensitive area, the league requires that the name be changed to the Alaskan National extremely threatened wildlife area.

After complaining of her "hideous" house detention on her 155 acre setae and irritating electronic anklet that make her yoga exercises more complicated. Martha Stewart's Parole officer is changing the her probation requirements. Ms. Stewart will be detained for the next few weeks in the house of someone living in one of the poorest sections of Connecticut and All Proceeds of her new Home detention skin creams will go directly to aide some of the 250,000 poverty stricken people that live in her own back yard.

Governor Arnold Schwarnegger's plans to track sexual predators for life will begin with his own self tracking. Arnold will serve as an example to all sex offenders, being that he is one, and now he has a chance to prove to society that he is trustworthy. If Mr. Schwarzneggers gropes a women or even speaks in an inappropriate way he will get a tiny shock to his testicles which will make him giggle like a girlyman.

In Cindy Sheehan's continuing vigil against the invasion of Iraq. Mothers are now going to Recruiting stations and blocking their doors. No one is being deployed there is a complete shut down of deployment. Mothers are coming out of every where. calling themselves, Another Mother against war or "a maw"

Baseball is played for fun

Sol Fest the annual celebration of Alternative power and truth telling held in Hopland, was simultaneously broadcast on major news networks all over the nation. Cameras from Fox, CBS, NBC showed up early on the scene. Reporters were seen Clamoring for interviews with Michael Rupert and Richard Heinberg, and Amy Goodman. One reporter admitted that we do get this kind of information to the mass media, there's a chance we could really save the world.

 

August 15th

In support of Cindy Sheehan's courageous stand in Crawford Texas in an effort to Confront George Bush on his illegal war, mothers around the US are rising to the occasion by refusing to allow their sons and daughters to ship off to Iraq. Reports are streaming in regarding mother's offering to go to jail or even to Iraq instead of their children. As one mother in Billings Montana said, The rule is "You don't bury your children"

Reality TV shows will have another in the growing ranks of the popular culture. This time cameras will be turned on the "Bushies" Yes, the first family will now enjoy the constant scrutiny of the American public as they while away the hours in D.C. and Texas. The Bushies will show us the zany and treacherous lives of the world's most dangerous family. In the First episode, George drives by Cindy, will air tomorrow night at 8.

Karl Rove is back on the front page again. Media News outlets have rededicated their coverage back to the outing of undercover CIA operative Valerie Plame and the indications that Bush's Political Advisor Rove, and Dick Cheney's assistant Lewis Libby were involved in this federal crime.

News editors all over the country have committed to follow this story till they get to the bottom of it.

In the middle east. As 9,000 eviction notices were handed out on the Gaza Strip. Settlers packed their bags and left quietly. While many welcomed their Palestinian brothers and sisters with banners saying

My house is your house, their was a feeling that this kind of compassion and sacrifice would lead to years of relief in the troubled area.

Every one is psychic. Scientific studies have proven that everyone is capable of knowing what is really going on in another person. Dr. Bell Connors said that there is an emotional meter of sorts that responds only to the underlying or true conversation.

Summer camp for grown-ups. In this Brain Child of Wavy Gravy adults will be offered a two week session at Camp Winnachildhood. this innovative step in towards healing the inner child adults will come for the session and become children once again. Silliness, jump rope, folk singing and juggling are some of the activities. Campers will be encouraged to leave their tipis a mess and while away the hours sleeping in the shade, having food fights and simply doing nothing. Anyone who acts responsibly or in an organized manner will be pied.

July 18th

The Epiphany institute has conclusive evidence that nothing is stronger than natural disasters and the ability of the earth to recover from them. Regardless of how rich or how imperial man or governments may think they are after witnessing Hurricanes, Tropical Storms, earthquakes and Tsunami's Scientists around the world agreed that Mother Nature Bats last.

The Washington Post reported today that Food and Drug administration head Marc McClellan and White House spokesman Scott McClellan although always considered brothers may actually be closer than that. Some Washington insiders are claiming that Scott and Marc are the first in experimental human cloning. They both seem to have unusual 2 dimensional behavior and move much like Genetically modified organisms. Investigators suspect that scoot is the clone because of his repetitive behavior at White House press conferences where he says the same exact thing over and over again.

The World's Spiritual leaders have emerged from a three day summit where the highest teachers of consciousness journeyed into the mystical healing and medicinal properties in chocolate. The holy ones said that anyone partaking the Pleasurable sacrament must be fully conscious of the source of the cocoa, the way it was processed and completely delight in the act of eating it. After sampling some of the finest fair trade chocolate from Ghana many said, it was truly a religious experience.

There's a surprise in your PG&E bill this month. It seems that California's energy giants disastrous deregulation and the whole Enron scandal that bilked customers out of service and caused rates to soar took just a tiny portion of their profits and returned it to the public. This month instead of an invoice customers received a check for $5,000 each. A PG&E spokeswoman said "We thought it was the only way to by accountable and at the same time truly stimulate the economy."

Psychology today is reporting that humming simply childrens songs is a easy and cheap therapeutic practice that helps people relax throughout a stressful ay. Dr. Teresa Coolio recommends a couple of rounds of Row you boat three to four times a day or as needed. She said in time of high tension people should do the Hokey Pokey and turn themselves around.

Imagine that.

 

As the house of cards begins to crumble beginning with White House Political advisor, Karl Rove followed by Dick Cheney's chief of staff Lewis Libby, regarding the outing of CIA operative Valerie Plame. Analysts are saying Condi Rice, Paul Wolfowitz, and Former Energy Secretary Spencer Abrahms are next in the collapsing regime..

 

July 11th

The whole world is in mourning for the terrible loss of life and the terror that people experienced in London last week. The Parliament has authorized an investigation into all international and local Bomb factories. All bomb making activities will be suspended indefinitely.

As The G8 summit was wrapping up. World leaders had a difficult time leaving the Garrison in Glen Eagles Scotland. . It seems that They had built their security perimeters so high and so strong that they were locked inside for Seven hours. The sent a widespread panic through world leaders none of whom could remember who had the keys. Hours later The 8 leaders had tunneled out under the back fence and crawled into their limo's looking confused and sweaty.

Karl Rove is in a heap of trouble. Mr. Rove's sophomoric and dangerous act of revealing the identity of CIA Operative Valerie Plame has brought on the end of his Political career. Federal Felony charges carrying a sentence of 20 years in Maximum Security prison. Analysts are confidant that Mr. Rove's indictment will be the first in a long list of High level Washington officials who fixed intelligence to wage illegal war against Iraq.

As summer Folk Festivals are celebrated across US from the Oregon Country Faire, to the Mendocino Living Cultural Arts Festival a rash of kindness has broken out in epidemic proportions. The prayers, music, and spoken word of the People actually transformed the consciousness in heavily populated areas. Organizers of the tribal gatherings are considering bringing the events to the Middle East and South America next year in order to demonstrate to the world what American People are really like.

This Friday is the 3rd Anniversary of the Grandmothers in Nigeria who shut down Chevron/Texaco's operation for nearly a week with the power of their Breasts. The demonstration was successful in bringing much needed jobs and electricity to the indigenous people trampled by the Multi national corporations exploitation of Nigeria's oil reserves. On Friday In honor of the Grandmothers courage and creative solutions, women everywhere will honor their grandmothers by a lunchtime blockading of the nearest Chevron/Texaco stations.

Vice President Dick Cheney is going on Vacation. He was presented by the families of the detainees at Camp x-ray in Guantanamo Bay Cuba with airline tickets to stay at that very same fabulous tropical resort. Also provided in the package is delicious Cuban fare and unlimited room service.

After years of being unavailable for public tour, the White House is open again. Afraid of terrorists post 9/11 Officials changed the common practice of allowing public tours and actually blocking off most of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue for any viewing. Realizing that the White House actually belongs to the people the doors are open once again. The first ten Folks who get there early enough will be able to have donuts and coffee with the President around 7:30 am.

In a grand exit from the evangelical world Reverend Billy Graham delivered the sermon of his life calling on all Christians to beware of the right wing neo-conservatives looking forward to Armageddon. Billy told the flock that they must return to the essential nature of Christ and look toward brotherly love, forgiveness, and peace on earth. He said "Heaven can wait"

As chief Supreme Court Justice William Reinquist steps down from the high court due to failing health it appears the Bush Administration is considering Tony Serra who has been active in constitutional Law for many years.Asked if he would take the post, Mr. Serra said perhaps if we change out of the drab old robes into something with a little blue or purple, because, he said, things aren't just.always black and white.

Hundreds of thousands turned out in SF this weekend to celebrate Gay Pride. In poll after poll of the heterosexual onlookers many said they felt safe and secure in their own marriages and after witnessing the outpouring of love, and affection were actually turned on to each other after years of indifference.

In honor of Fathers Day tens of thousands of Dads flew to Iraq on United Airlines said they had offered super discounts to Any father who had a son or daughter in Iraq. Those who took the vouchers by the reality of war and immediately escorted their children out of harms Way. In solidarity with the liberation, United let the young soldiers ride for free on the mileage their father's had earned along the way.

Downing Street Memo is truly incriminating and everybody knows it. High ranking officials of the Bush administration fixed intelligence in order to go to war. There are so many laws broken by Cheney, Rumsfeld, Bush and others, it is almost impossible to calculate how long they will be in prison.

Cannabis was hailed in the halls of the capitol today in a public ceremony classifying Medical Marijuana as a vital medicine in the country's natural pharmacy. Lawmakers and cabinet Members joined together to smoke a huge fatty and sign legislation to release all marijuana users, growers, from prison. Growers were immediately approached by hospitals and health care organizations to begin growing for the benefit of all.

In a related story Makers of Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, Vioxx and Luvoxx will be prosecuted regarding the death of patients and crimes perpetrated by patients taking their medications.

For Father's day the Father of our country, or at least the symbol of George Washington, The Washington monument,received a gift. A group of Wiccan Women came to Washington with an Olympian sized basket with a circumference of around one hundred feet that they had woven to place next to the large protruding phallice. Calling it Martha's basket they are hoping that The union of the Monument and the Basket will lead to greater balance in Washington politics.

In recognition of Juneteenth, when slaves in Texas and Louisiana found out they were free two years after the emancipation proclamation. Nike has released their workers from their sweatshops and will reorganize their business to include fair trade, living wage and free shoes and clothing for all workers and their families.

Summer Solstice is hear and that means pagans and earthworshippers celebrate the turning of the seasonal wheel. A surge in the lighting of Bonfires, the drumming of drums and the laughter of children no longer in school are expected to rise tonight and continue throughout the summer.

Imagine That!

 Imagine That!
 
 As a consequence for the multiple allegations of stuffing the Holy Qu'ran down the toilet at Guantanamo Bay in Cuba. All U.S. military personnel are being instructed to flush their weapons down the toilet and go to their own holy books to remember what is sacred and how one is to treat those items.

In a related story Newsweek said that they will continue to report the news regardless of whether the White House likes it or not.. The accusation by the Bush team that Newsweek is responsible for the surges of violence in Muslim countries and not the policies of the Bush administration were sumarily dismissed by Newsweek Editors.

Laura Bush revealed that she went to the Middle East last week in a desparate attempt to get away from her husband. She arrived in Palestine and asked to remain there with the refugees as an act of soldiarity with the people who have suffered from U.S. Israeli policy. She said that she will personally take on the issue of torture in the American Military because she understands it all too well being married to George Bush.

The Definition Protection league in its ongoing investigation of the white house is demanding the changing of the phrase War on Terror, to the War of Terror. Members of the league have established through volumes of testimony and evidence that the global effect of this adminstrations War is not alleviating terror, but rather feeding it, aiding it, and sustaining it.

Democrats pulled off a miracle when they snuck legislation into a War appropriations bill which will begin a New Federal funded school program called All My Children. The new programs will be teaching children essential survivial skills.. Classes will be; Love and respect together again, kindness throughout history, Not taking on parental Crisies. and how sugar is the gateway drug to Ridalin. These programs will begin in September.

And finally,. The Body Shop, Aveda, Niman Ranch, Birkenstock, Cascadian Farms, Real Goods and Amy's Frozen Foods have announced a World Peace Contest with a 10 Million Dollar Prize. Contestant are being asked to submit ideas on how to make peace in the world. Ten finalists will be chosen. Each of their peace plans will be implemented and the one that brings world peace will win the ten million dollars. Send submissions to the World Peace Contest. P.O. Box 355 Albion, CA 95410

The first international gathering of Mothers in Toronto on Mother's Day it was decided that all multinational corporations need a mother. The woman in the new Matriarchal role will be in charge of ethics, charitible donations and product safety. Mothers will first invade the pharmeceutical industry to demand that all medications that induce side effects be removed from the market until there are no side effects at all. Said one mother, "They know better than that."

The EPA has admitted that Chlorine is extemly toxic to human beings and the environment, Used for many years to purify water systems for drinking and swimming the EPA has admitted that Chlorine is extremely dangerous. The withdrawal of chlorine from the market brought up public concern for their water's potability. The FDA assure consumers that lemon would do a much better job.

In order to restore respect in regard for tobacco and one's personal use. Tobacco companies like Phillip Morris and RJ Reynolds have voluntarily sutffed cigarette packages with tobacco ritual instructions. In the last week Smokers across the world have been seen making offerings of gratitiude.in all directions.

And finally, as the death toll for American Soldiers in Iraq reaches 1600, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said. "That's it. One more of our sons or daughters dies in Iraq, They're all coming home."

Imagine that.

 Psychology today reports that while most positions of power are held by rich white men in the U.S. that if you took away their money that would strip them of most of their power. Dr. Mario Computo did experiments where Rich white men were denied access to money and nice clothes. They had to stand their naked and time after time they appeared weak frail and puny.

 

Frustrated by the lack of success in Iraq and the rise in insurgency putting America's soldiers in terrible harm's way. George Bush has decided to "go over there and finish the job" At a press conference in the Rose Garden Mr. Bush posed for pictures in his used Humvee.

Once again acting as an example for the rest of the country Mendocino County will be the first to provide draft counselling to young men 18-25 who are subject to draft registration. As with Measure H. This county has again takent the initiative to protect our natural resources, this time our own sons and daughters. What better resource do we have than the future.

The epiphany institute has released their annual Paradigm Shift indicator. Scientists have found that the paradigm will shift in accordance with women's ability to experience pleasure. Dr. Violet O'hare said "The unlimited nature of a woman's pleasure is a definite factor in the quantum leap. Swollen labias, orgasm and ejacuation has a powerful effect on the magnetic field. If we are to evolve, it is simply up to women to take leadership roles in these areas". The institute's findings gives a whole new meaning to Code Pink.

Women and children were evacuated from war zones today.

The secret meeting of the college of Cardinals in Rome to choose the new Pope was revealed today as one big pajama party. It seems that the cardinals watch old Doris Day Movies, massage each others feet and order in lots of pizza pies. One insider said that the truth was the whole huylabloo around choosing the new pope was just a front. The fact is They try to find the pope in the pizza. The bubbling chese has for senturies shown them the distinct face of the new Pope.

The United Nations has rejected the nominations of John Bolton as ambassador from the United States. Citing the fact that mister Bolton should be in prison rather than an Important official in international diplomacy.